Well, as of late it's been a bit difficult to find things to be happy about. Trying to find time to pack, paint and move in with the parents, job being cut from full time to part time, etc = a bit of stress. but, nonetheless, there are several things to remain happy about:
*at least i still have a job. two in fact. they may be part time, and i may struggle for awhile, but some people don't even have one job, so i think i'm pretty lucky on that front.
* i was planning to put my two weeks in at macys, but didn't. timing is everything!
*my dad's birthday! he turned 60 last week!
*supportive family and friends. I will never make it through this stress without them in my life! i love them!
*Iced white chocolate mocha-it's getting me through this day.
*jessa is coming to town this weekend! yay!
*twins game with a cute boy tomorrow :)
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
fear and comfort
today i was walking home from the gym with my phone's mp3 player on shuffle. because it's not the norm to sing along whilst meandering along hennepin avenue, i'm forced to really listen to the words in songs. sometimes it's easy to forget that the songs you know so well actually have meaning to them. anyway, a song from my favorites, rascal flatts, came on...which made me a happy girl! and also had me thinking.
here are the lyrics:
"When The Sand Runs Out"
I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out
That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"
And as the cold wind blows across the graveyard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
The part that really stuck out at this particular moment was the chorus. "learn how to face my fears". as i thought about this line, i realized that i've done a pretty good job of that in the past year or so. (and here my love of lists appears once again)
1. i started going to the gym. I'm always so worried about what other people are thinking about me, so the fact that i now work out and get sweaty in front of other people is a big step. Especially the fact that i go to group exercise classes. I always feel like people think i don't belong. probably people just want to work out and don't really care who else is there, so i need to stop being so paranoid! done and done. now i've been going to the same classes long enough that i feel like i DO belong, and i enjoy when new people join us! go figure.
2. i've met up with/hung out with near strangers on many occasions this summer. again, i have that fear of what people think of me. i used to be shy. in high school i took a step towards non-shyness by running for student council...and getting elected! then when i went away to college i made myself be the outgoing, bubbly girl on my floor. i had people fooled! maybe it wasn't so hard to be un-shy! until i settled into my routine, had my core group of friends. there wasn't a reason to try to be outgoing anymore and the opportunities came less and less. so, this summer i decided that i was going to do as many things as possible, and it didn't matter who it was with. i got invited to watch the world cup at kieran's with some people i'd only met twice. i went. and it was a great time! several times i went out with kim and some of her friends from work whom i'd never met...all fun times! i went to a cabin with kim over the 4th...that belonged to her boyfriend's friend. i'd only met the boyfriend several times, and the others...never. what a fabulous weekend! i hung out with one of those "others" last weekend...with a few more people that i had never met...a great night! my closest friends left wakefest early (well, earlier than i did)...but i made new friends! ok, that last one doesn't really count as i know the entire family that was throwing the party...but it was also a great night! so...i guess i'm not shy anymore? awesome.
3. i wander downtown. i used to always think it was weird that i felt perfectly comfortable wandering around foreign cities but was scared of minneapolis. and, ok, i live downtown so i have a certain comfort for it now, but i've been venturing further and further out of the general neighborhood and i can find my way around. i think i may be a true city girl now! if only i had a job downtown and didn't own a car...
4. I've stopped avoiding conflict. either there's less conflict in my life or i've actually confronted it to make it go away faster. i used to let things that bothered or annoy me fester and grow inside of me until i just about exploded! i was a wasp. i was afraid if i said anything, people would get mad at me and make the situation worse. i hated conflict and confrontation. now, i'm still not a fan of either of those things, but if something is bothering me and it can be fixed, i say something. if there's nothing i can do about it, i do the best i can to get over it. and maybe vent and rant a little. i just don't hold things inside anymore.
5. i lost weight. losing weight can be a scary thing. you get comfortable in what you are, even if what that is makes you really uncomfortable. change is scary, even if its a good thing. so, i finally said "i'm doing it" and i did it. now the trick is not going back to the ways that are comfortable.
a few weeks ago, em wrote a blog about mid-year resolutions. so here are mine:
**Keep doing things that make me a little uncomfortable. the more i push the boundaries of my comfort zone, the more i'll get out of life. not to mention, i'll start to get pretty comfortable in a lot of situations!
**work on the next part of the chorus: "love with all of my heart, make my mark, i wanna leave something here" i want to have an impact on the world. and now seems like a great time to get started...
so i've figured out the "what" and "when"...
now i just have to figure out the "how".
here are the lyrics:
"When The Sand Runs Out"
I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out
That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"
And as the cold wind blows across the graveyard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
The part that really stuck out at this particular moment was the chorus. "learn how to face my fears". as i thought about this line, i realized that i've done a pretty good job of that in the past year or so. (and here my love of lists appears once again)
1. i started going to the gym. I'm always so worried about what other people are thinking about me, so the fact that i now work out and get sweaty in front of other people is a big step. Especially the fact that i go to group exercise classes. I always feel like people think i don't belong. probably people just want to work out and don't really care who else is there, so i need to stop being so paranoid! done and done. now i've been going to the same classes long enough that i feel like i DO belong, and i enjoy when new people join us! go figure.
2. i've met up with/hung out with near strangers on many occasions this summer. again, i have that fear of what people think of me. i used to be shy. in high school i took a step towards non-shyness by running for student council...and getting elected! then when i went away to college i made myself be the outgoing, bubbly girl on my floor. i had people fooled! maybe it wasn't so hard to be un-shy! until i settled into my routine, had my core group of friends. there wasn't a reason to try to be outgoing anymore and the opportunities came less and less. so, this summer i decided that i was going to do as many things as possible, and it didn't matter who it was with. i got invited to watch the world cup at kieran's with some people i'd only met twice. i went. and it was a great time! several times i went out with kim and some of her friends from work whom i'd never met...all fun times! i went to a cabin with kim over the 4th...that belonged to her boyfriend's friend. i'd only met the boyfriend several times, and the others...never. what a fabulous weekend! i hung out with one of those "others" last weekend...with a few more people that i had never met...a great night! my closest friends left wakefest early (well, earlier than i did)...but i made new friends! ok, that last one doesn't really count as i know the entire family that was throwing the party...but it was also a great night! so...i guess i'm not shy anymore? awesome.
3. i wander downtown. i used to always think it was weird that i felt perfectly comfortable wandering around foreign cities but was scared of minneapolis. and, ok, i live downtown so i have a certain comfort for it now, but i've been venturing further and further out of the general neighborhood and i can find my way around. i think i may be a true city girl now! if only i had a job downtown and didn't own a car...
4. I've stopped avoiding conflict. either there's less conflict in my life or i've actually confronted it to make it go away faster. i used to let things that bothered or annoy me fester and grow inside of me until i just about exploded! i was a wasp. i was afraid if i said anything, people would get mad at me and make the situation worse. i hated conflict and confrontation. now, i'm still not a fan of either of those things, but if something is bothering me and it can be fixed, i say something. if there's nothing i can do about it, i do the best i can to get over it. and maybe vent and rant a little. i just don't hold things inside anymore.
5. i lost weight. losing weight can be a scary thing. you get comfortable in what you are, even if what that is makes you really uncomfortable. change is scary, even if its a good thing. so, i finally said "i'm doing it" and i did it. now the trick is not going back to the ways that are comfortable.
a few weeks ago, em wrote a blog about mid-year resolutions. so here are mine:
**Keep doing things that make me a little uncomfortable. the more i push the boundaries of my comfort zone, the more i'll get out of life. not to mention, i'll start to get pretty comfortable in a lot of situations!
**work on the next part of the chorus: "love with all of my heart, make my mark, i wanna leave something here" i want to have an impact on the world. and now seems like a great time to get started...
so i've figured out the "what" and "when"...
now i just have to figure out the "how".
Sunday, January 17, 2010
what's to come?
so...down 7.5 pounds so far! that's amazing. so proud of myself for sticking to the lifestyle change. it's definitly better to be accountable to someone else. and i really enjoy getting all of the food groups in! although i do miss my breads/pastas...and wish i could have more fruit. i'm not even craving anything that i shouldn't be...must go back to that habit breaking assignment that dauph made us do in health class in high school. i couldn't eat sugar for 7 days and apparently i wouldn't want it anymore...well, back then it didn't happen, but it seems to have worked now! no unhealthy foods needed here!
an another note, watching the vikings/cowboys playoff game right now. it's 14-3 to the vikes in the second quarter. let's hope they can keep the lead...i really love the vikings and would love to see them go all the way to the superbowl this year!
switching gears once again...yesterday i was listening to my loves rascal flatts...they always have a way of making me think about my life and what i want from it. i've been quite confused for quite some time about things, and right now is no different. i'm leaning towards a decision i'm worried a lot of people won't like, but knowing myself, i'll chicken out or put it off for as long as possible...even if it makes me miserable. so i guess i won't have to worry about what other people think for awhile. I've also been thinking about the past a lot. I really miss some of my friends that i met in college. i don't know what went wrong there, but for some reason i seemed to have gotten phased out of that group. the majority of them still hang out, see each other regularly. i don't live far away, but i'm still not included. there have been several weddings that have come and gone and i was not invited to any of them. i always wonder if i did something that made them not want to hang out with me anymore, or if it's just another case of life happening and it wasn't the fault of anyone. i miss college sometimes...those were some good years!
i think i'll take today to knit and think...after the game of course! and thank goodness tomorrow is martin luther king day...another day to relax is always nice.
an another note, watching the vikings/cowboys playoff game right now. it's 14-3 to the vikes in the second quarter. let's hope they can keep the lead...i really love the vikings and would love to see them go all the way to the superbowl this year!
switching gears once again...yesterday i was listening to my loves rascal flatts...they always have a way of making me think about my life and what i want from it. i've been quite confused for quite some time about things, and right now is no different. i'm leaning towards a decision i'm worried a lot of people won't like, but knowing myself, i'll chicken out or put it off for as long as possible...even if it makes me miserable. so i guess i won't have to worry about what other people think for awhile. I've also been thinking about the past a lot. I really miss some of my friends that i met in college. i don't know what went wrong there, but for some reason i seemed to have gotten phased out of that group. the majority of them still hang out, see each other regularly. i don't live far away, but i'm still not included. there have been several weddings that have come and gone and i was not invited to any of them. i always wonder if i did something that made them not want to hang out with me anymore, or if it's just another case of life happening and it wasn't the fault of anyone. i miss college sometimes...those were some good years!
i think i'll take today to knit and think...after the game of course! and thank goodness tomorrow is martin luther king day...another day to relax is always nice.
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